首页>>shazi1993>>托福写作2012-07-06机经答案 by shazi1993

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历年试题 2012-07-06NA 独立写作

(shazi1993分享)

作者:shazi1993 保存时间:2015-09-10 人气:327
Question:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students can get as many benefits from activities in clubs, unions and societies as they can get from their academic studies.
托福考试时间:2012-07-06,2013-10-27
所属分类: 教育学习
目前共有361位会员练习过本题.
写作提纲
In this day and age, students have many others accesses to cultivate themselves than academic studies, including various clubs, unions and so on. They really benefit a lot from participating those activities: they can enlarge vision and strengthen what they have learned from the class, which is of equal importance compared with benefits provided by the academic studies.

There are lots of unions or clubs established specifically for students. For example, I am a member of the Mathematical Modeling Unions for Undergraduate in our school. This club is aimed at holding the anual competition of mathematical modeling and equip all the new members with the ability to cope with the difficult but interesting mathematical challenges. Though I am majored in Electrical Engineering, I can manage to deal with a problems with strong mathematical background, such as utilize the statistical data to predict the pattern of the market. In general, clubs in school are inviting students with various academic background and identical hobby. we are more easier to find congenial peers and learn from them. It must be a totally different ways to obtain knowledge from the class. We are no longer confined to books of our major. We start a new journey to have a look at other realms. As a result, we show superiority when confronted with inter-discipline challenge than those only mastered at their major.

Besides, those activities provide us with a platform on which we are able to apply the knowledge procured from the class, strengthening what we have leaned. Due to the limited time of some courses, we are not provided with too many chances to practice our skills. It is common that we all give the knowledge back to our teachers after examinations. Hence, activities in clubs and unions serve as perfect complements to the class. For example, We can strengthen electrical foundation through attending the “repair the electric appliance for free” activities held by the communities.

In summary, we can benefits many from activities in clubs , unions and societies as we can from the academic studies from the aspect of broadening horizon and enhancing skills.
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TO #Bigbond# : 


非常感谢你的点评!幸好参加了小组,不然真没意识到自己写作有这么多错误呢。。。

In this day and age, students have many others accesses to cultivate themselves than academic studies, including various clubs, unions and so on. They really benefit a lot from participating in those activities: they can enlarge vision and strengthen what they have learned from the class, which is of equal importance compared with benefits provided by the academic studies.

There are lots of unions or clubs established specifically for students. For example, I am a member of the Mathematical Modeling Unions for Undergraduate in our school. This club is aimed at holding the anual competition of mathematical modeling and equip all the new members with the ability to cope with the difficult but as well as interesting mathematical challenges. Though I am majored in Electrical Engineering, I can manage to deal with a problems with strong mathematical background, such as utilize utilizing the statistical data to predict the pattern of the market. In general, clubs in school invite students with various academic backgrounds and identical hobby. we are more easier to find congenial peers and learn from them. It must be a totally different ways to obtain knowledge from the class. We are no longer confined to books of our major. We start a new journey to have a look at other realms. As a result, we show superiority when confronted with inter-discipline challenge than those only mastered at their major.

Besides, those activities provide us with a platform on which we are able to apply the knowledge procured from the class, strengthening what we have leaned. Due to the limited time of some courses, we are not provided with too many enough chances to practice our skills. It is common that we all give the knowledge back to our teachers after examinations. Hence, activities in clubs and unions serve as perfect complements to the class. For example, We can strengthen electrical foundation throughattending the “repair the electric appliance for free” activities 

held by the communities. In fact, many engineering courses, such as electrical foundation, calls for practices so that we can thoroughly understand the very essence.       


In summary, we can benefits many from activities in clubs , unions and societies as we can from the academic studies from the aspect of broadening horizon and enhancing skills.

#1 发表于:2015-09-10 [回复]
观点与论证:
结构合理:
词汇语法:

水平有限,提几点建议,希望能多多交流~

文章总体结构清晰,尤其结尾与两个论证内容呼应很漂亮。第一个例子论证的很清楚,第二个例子没能完全展开,最后那个strengthen electrical foundation的例子还可以写的更具体丰富些。

感觉文章中句与句之间的联系不是很紧密,有些跳跃,可以多用些连接词串在一起。

还有想说同学你把作文内容写到提纲的框框里去啦。。。写到“写作内容”的框里可以计字数,更方便些

可能是因为写的比较赶吧,小错误比较多:

participate in activities。in别丢了

with the ability to cope with the difficult but interesting mathematical challenges 这里感觉逻辑上没有转折关系,二者都是对new member的要求,应该仍是并列,but可以换成as well as

I can manage to deal with a problems with strong mathematical background 多敲了一个a,考场上因为这个扣分太可惜啦

such as utilize the statistical data to predict the pattern of the market 这里utilize应该用-ing形式吧

clubs in school are inviting students with various academic background and identical hobby 用一般现在时比较好,various后的名词加复数

It must be a totally different ways...  这里way不应该有复数

too many chances to practice our skills...  too...to...是太....以至于不能...的意思。这里可以把too many改成enough



shazi1993 认为这是一个有帮助的点评
#2 发表于:2015-09-10 [回复]